Music

Music. Such a simple word with a great meaning for many people. Whether its music you listen to on the radio, singing in the choir, or even singing in the shower. It is many peoples’ worlds as well as their hobby. For me, music is a very special element in my life. I don’t know how I could function every day without it.
On my hardest, sad days I listen to sad songs. It makes me realize that someone else out there is or was sad like me and that they can put my thoughts into beautiful words accompanied with a melancholy melody. It comforts me and surrounds me with its aura that it brings to me. It inspires me to make life better for myself because life is short.
On my happy, energetic days, I listen to something that makes me want to dance and move around. When I’m warming up before a game or race it gets me pumped up and gets me in the ‘zone’. It just fills my heart with this all consuming joy that I need to let out. It fulfills my passions and just helps me let go and cut loose.
And on those rare occasions when I’m feeling romantic or just in a loving mood I listen to those sappy love songs and feel a warmth in my soul as the marvelous words and tune touch me, forever holding me in the palm of its hand. It makes my heart swell so big when I hear the words of someone else proclaiming their love. It makes me wish I could do the same thing. But I think I might just keep my singing to just in the shower.
“Music takes us out of the actual and whispers to us dim secrets that startle our wonder as to who we are, and for what, whence, and whereto.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

Someone Like You

Why can't I find someone that laughs when everyone is booing,
Someone that smiles when everyone is frowning?
Someone that is silent in a crowd of roaring people.
Someone that doesnt need to fill every silence.

Someone different in the world's eyes, but perfect in mine.
Every imperfection another reason to love him, to want him.

Someone like you.

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At school, you are a popular well liked girl, but what people fail to see is the true pain you hide. While all your friends go out on saturday night, you seclude yourself from them for a reason, You can't bear for people to see the sad, morose person you are when you are with yourself. You just lay in bed and think to yourself how you could make your life happy without all the material things that you are lacking. Something deep that is missing from your life. Like a chunk of your life that you have never had but seem to miss and long for. You finally find a solution. You bleed to no end telling yourself that you are a worthless human being for not making the cuts deeper. That if you were really strong enough, you would make it an inch deep. But the wounds not only you see on your wrists, you feel it in your heart. With every slice of the blade something in your heart cuts deeper, making it bleed in pain. Your heart finally just cannot take anymore and you stop and lay down wondering if anyone will notice your pain. Your chest and body ache from the longing of just wanting something real, for the first time in your life. You gasp for help, asking the clear air for help. Just wishing something bigger was out there listening to your pain. And comforting you. Someone that would understand your pain and feelings and just to be there in toughest times. At school the next day you put on a mask of jovial expression. Then you go home and wonder if your life is worth living.

Always know that you are never alone. I hold you in the palm of my hand, soothing away every cut, every incision that has ever pierced your skin and heart. Just know that I love you and would do anything for you. I died for you once, and I would do it again. -God

Holding On

You've got a hold on my heart. Its nothing that I can explain. At least in comprehensible words. I just sit here and wonder how you could have a hold on me when I dont even want you to. I get so tired of the chase and I get no where. Will you ever notice me or who I really am instead of just what I appear to be?

My stomach sqeezes at the thought of you and me. You, mostly. But I dont show my feelings, I just walk by without acknowledgement. Is there some glitch in my brain that wont let me even talk to you? Am I that tongue tied when I look at you? My breathing stops as I realize that I've missed another chance. I guess I'll have to wait another few days to see you and miss another chance.

I wonder to myself, why I cant just gather up the courage to tell you how I really feel why does everyone else have to know but you are the only one left out of the picture? I tell myself to just suck it up and not to care what he thinks because what will I have to loose? But then I think about what he would think of me after I tell him. As my conflicting mind mulls over these silly thoughts I then grow to wonder if it's even worth it anymore. Then i think well if I've waited this long.....then i can wait forever more and never tell him how i feel! This is just a never ending stream of pros, cons, positive and negative. Why cant I decide on anything? Why do I have to hold on so long for this?

Instead of a hug, I get a shoulder brushing by me, not sparing me a glance.
Instead of a smile I get a grimace, just acknowledging my presence.
Instead of being asked my opinion, I get asked to hold a door.
Instead of begging me to stay, I get a quick, "See ya later."
Instead of a day full of talking and laughing, I get to sit in my room. Alone.
Instead of the best of the best, I get the forgotten leftovers.
Instead of having millions of friends I can talk to about my problems and heartache, I have no one. Except for God.

I am tired of being forgotten.

Closing to an End

Life lately has been such a blur. It seems this year has just gone away and leaving my brain all fuzzy from just trying to keep everything that has been going on straight. The weekend is what keeps my head from literally exploding. Thank goodness we get a break. But as I contemplate how much longer the school year is going to last, I grow uncharactaristically sad. I think about the seniors that are going to graduate, my sister being one of them. I have grown so close to many senior friends this year. At graduation I will probably bring a Kleenex box or two with me to wipe the many tears I will shed.

But I thank God for this year. I have made many new friendships and have had a blast getting to spend time with people. I think of all the accomplishments I have made. (Getting by with a B+ first semester in Gale Nelson definitely being one of them.) I have no regrets. None at all, even though I have made many mistakes. This has been (so far) one of the best years and most definitely fastest years I have ever been through.

Sayanara my friends, see you soon.

You

You are the sparkle to my eyes,
The fire to my body.
You are the breath to my lungs,
Every blink of my eyes.
You are every element that surrounds me,
Everything that that I touch, see, smell.
You fil my body with the utmost happiness,
Make my lips curve into a smile,
Make my heart beat faster.
You make the butterflies in my stomach flutter,
filling me with a feeling that makes me want to sing for joy.

You are my passion.
My desire.
My inspiration.
You make me the person I want to be.

You are the flame to my soul,
lighting my in darkness.
You love me when you shouldn't.
As simple as words can put it, you complete me.

I just want to say thank you for giving me life.
Life that makes me want to live the fullest for you.
With you.
Forever. Even when we are dead and forgotten