Holding On

You've got a hold on my heart. Its nothing that I can explain. At least in comprehensible words. I just sit here and wonder how you could have a hold on me when I dont even want you to. I get so tired of the chase and I get no where. Will you ever notice me or who I really am instead of just what I appear to be?

My stomach sqeezes at the thought of you and me. You, mostly. But I dont show my feelings, I just walk by without acknowledgement. Is there some glitch in my brain that wont let me even talk to you? Am I that tongue tied when I look at you? My breathing stops as I realize that I've missed another chance. I guess I'll have to wait another few days to see you and miss another chance.

I wonder to myself, why I cant just gather up the courage to tell you how I really feel why does everyone else have to know but you are the only one left out of the picture? I tell myself to just suck it up and not to care what he thinks because what will I have to loose? But then I think about what he would think of me after I tell him. As my conflicting mind mulls over these silly thoughts I then grow to wonder if it's even worth it anymore. Then i think well if I've waited this long.....then i can wait forever more and never tell him how i feel! This is just a never ending stream of pros, cons, positive and negative. Why cant I decide on anything? Why do I have to hold on so long for this?