Burden

The heavy weight of a burden is on my back. My muscles strain and stretch from the weight the burden bears. Sweat drips down my face like tears. There are tears mixed somewhere in with all of that wetness, but you can't tell. As far as you can see, I am just a strong person. That's what I'd like you to see. I'm just hiding all of the pain that this burden is giving me.
I feel as if I am acquiescent; letting this burden take a hold of me and accepting what it is doing to me. I feel torn up inside. My insides crave to get rid of this burden, but my logic overrules. I think of the consequences I will have to pay in order to relieve this heavy thing from me. I am one to follow logic instead of my heart, and that leads me to make the wrong decisions. So this time, I will get rid of this dark thing that has come to cause me suffering.

As soon as I get rid of the burden, I feel a sudden wave of happiness and freedom. But I am also frightened. I almost feel naked and exposed without it. As if somehow it was a part of who I am. I shudder at the thought of that nasty treachery being a part of me, defining who I am. That is the last thing I want.

I see that dark thing somewhere inside of my head and it taunts me and tells me that I am a part of it and it is a part of me. That we need each other to survive. Right now, there is a terrible beauty that I see within that shadow, the dark thing that I had hated. Why would I crave it to be with me again? Why would I want to go through what it put me through again. I swore to myself I would never go back, but its dangerous, irresistible qualities pull me to it again. If only I could find something, just something to make me forget about it.

Then I remember the light. The light I used to have. The good, pure light that filled my life with the most wonderful feelings. I faintly remember it, but it seems so far away; almost unreachable. It comes closer, as if it has been waiting for me, even fighting for me while I was away. The thought of something that would care for me that much drowns me in a tide of emotions that fill me with so much love and passion that I finally recognize what that light is. It is Jesus. He has come for me. I am still in his protective embrace, he is shielding me from danger and engulfs me with so much love, I finally feel safe. I have found my home.