I close my eyes, just for a second. That's all it takes.
I see a girl in a white dress in the arms of a man in black. They look into each other's eyes as if nothing could ever replace the feeling they feel now. She sees forever in his eyes, wanting to be held like this forever in his gaze. His ever so simple gaze. Which seems to penetrate her being without her knowing. He seems to understand her; not judge her by her errors which she has many of. He can forgive her with a glance, a quick smile coming to his lips.
The music starts. It enchants, hypnotizes them and they start to dance. It's a slow, steady beat, which matches the tempo of their heartbeats. They smile and laugh during the song, hoping it would never end.
She closes her eyes in ecstacy and twirls around, hoping he'll be there to catch her if she falls. The music is cut off and in its place a bone-chilling silence. Feeling as if something is suddenly, horribly missing, she opens her eyes. Only to find that she is alone. The twinkling lights all of a sudden don't seem as welcoming now, she feels lonely even though they shed light upon her silhouette.
To give her comfort, she closes her eyes again. She imagines her in his arms, twirling around. Slow dancing. It works temporarily, but everything seems empty to her now. Her once beautiful, gleaming dress is now in tatters. Falling to her knees, she surrenders. She raises her hands to the heavens wanting to be taken up, up and away. All that comes to her is blackness.
She can almost remember the sound of his voice, the feel of his skin on hers. His hand grazing hers, his all-knowing glance which causes her to feel warmth inside. Her heart feels like it has been wrenched from her chest, with one death blow.
Finally, she begins to cry. Tears falling like diamonds streak her face with wetness. They never seem to dry, only being replaced by more and more diamonds. An emptiness consumes her on the inside, while everything fills her never ceasing mind. What could have gone wrong when we were in such bliss? She feels like he couldn't take any more of her wretchedness. That must be the reason why he left.
She feels herself letting go. Letting go of the memory of them, the hope that he will come back for her because they belong together. The beautiful place that they were in has come to be inhabited by vines, suffocating everything that was once beautiful. When it's all consumed by hideous vines she feels herself fading away, she leaves nothing but a memory. A memory that once was, that could have been, that was beautiful for one moment.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Burden
The heavy weight of a burden is on my back. My muscles strain and stretch from the weight the burden bears. Sweat drips down my face like tears. There are tears mixed somewhere in with all of that wetness, but you can't tell. As far as you can see, I am just a strong person. That's what I'd like you to see. I'm just hiding all of the pain that this burden is giving me.
I feel as if I am acquiescent; letting this burden take a hold of me and accepting what it is doing to me. I feel torn up inside. My insides crave to get rid of this burden, but my logic overrules. I think of the consequences I will have to pay in order to relieve this heavy thing from me. I am one to follow logic instead of my heart, and that leads me to make the wrong decisions. So this time, I will get rid of this dark thing that has come to cause me suffering.
As soon as I get rid of the burden, I feel a sudden wave of happiness and freedom. But I am also frightened. I almost feel naked and exposed without it. As if somehow it was a part of who I am. I shudder at the thought of that nasty treachery being a part of me, defining who I am. That is the last thing I want.
I see that dark thing somewhere inside of my head and it taunts me and tells me that I am a part of it and it is a part of me. That we need each other to survive. Right now, there is a terrible beauty that I see within that shadow, the dark thing that I had hated. Why would I crave it to be with me again? Why would I want to go through what it put me through again. I swore to myself I would never go back, but its dangerous, irresistible qualities pull me to it again. If only I could find something, just something to make me forget about it.
Then I remember the light. The light I used to have. The good, pure light that filled my life with the most wonderful feelings. I faintly remember it, but it seems so far away; almost unreachable. It comes closer, as if it has been waiting for me, even fighting for me while I was away. The thought of something that would care for me that much drowns me in a tide of emotions that fill me with so much love and passion that I finally recognize what that light is. It is Jesus. He has come for me. I am still in his protective embrace, he is shielding me from danger and engulfs me with so much love, I finally feel safe. I have found my home.
I feel as if I am acquiescent; letting this burden take a hold of me and accepting what it is doing to me. I feel torn up inside. My insides crave to get rid of this burden, but my logic overrules. I think of the consequences I will have to pay in order to relieve this heavy thing from me. I am one to follow logic instead of my heart, and that leads me to make the wrong decisions. So this time, I will get rid of this dark thing that has come to cause me suffering.
As soon as I get rid of the burden, I feel a sudden wave of happiness and freedom. But I am also frightened. I almost feel naked and exposed without it. As if somehow it was a part of who I am. I shudder at the thought of that nasty treachery being a part of me, defining who I am. That is the last thing I want.
I see that dark thing somewhere inside of my head and it taunts me and tells me that I am a part of it and it is a part of me. That we need each other to survive. Right now, there is a terrible beauty that I see within that shadow, the dark thing that I had hated. Why would I crave it to be with me again? Why would I want to go through what it put me through again. I swore to myself I would never go back, but its dangerous, irresistible qualities pull me to it again. If only I could find something, just something to make me forget about it.
Then I remember the light. The light I used to have. The good, pure light that filled my life with the most wonderful feelings. I faintly remember it, but it seems so far away; almost unreachable. It comes closer, as if it has been waiting for me, even fighting for me while I was away. The thought of something that would care for me that much drowns me in a tide of emotions that fill me with so much love and passion that I finally recognize what that light is. It is Jesus. He has come for me. I am still in his protective embrace, he is shielding me from danger and engulfs me with so much love, I finally feel safe. I have found my home.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Hope
To the girl whose heart has been broken many a time without reconciliation.
Everytime someone walks down the street toward me, I hope it's you. Everytime I get a call on my phone, I hope it's your name on caller I.D. When I dream about you, I hope you dream about me too. And when I look at the bright moon, feeling lonely and wishing you were here, I hope you are looking at it too and thinking of me; missing me. And when I realize it couldn't be, my hopes get crushed like thin glass, broken as easily as a single thread. Without any defense to save me or my heart. Broken jaggedly in two, never able to come back together. Don't ask me why I hope so much, it's just something I grow to feel whenever you are near. Hope that maybe sometime something will happen. But hope is all that keeps my fragile self from breaking down permanently. Even just a sliver of it can get me through. Just barely. Just know that I will be waiting in the wings, wishing on a dream that you will realize that I am here and always have been. I will wait for that day when the realization hits you as hard as a bullet, that we were meant to be even though it may seem wrong in other people's minds. It doesn't matter as long as we have each other. I watch every shooting star glide past my window and wish with all my heart that you will think of me. I then realize that it is just an airplane passing in the night sky. At least it gave me more hope. For a little while. Just know that I am right here, hoping, waiting. For you.
"I will always hope for a better tomorrow, a brighter sun, one less lonely, aching person. For their hurt is something I understand. Just never give up your hope. Know that someone is always with you whether you see it or not. Look out your window at the infinite beauty and realize that there is someone out there that made it for you in times like these. Let the stars show you that even when its dark and cold out, there will always be a beautiful, radiant light to give passion, to make you feel like something. Never give up hope, in whatever you do, you may not get the ending you want, but it's something you can grow stronger from. And honey know, that whenever you call on me, I'll be there. I love you."
To the person that I dedicated this to, you know who you are and these words are as true as they can be. They are from my heart. I was thinking of only you when I was writing this. Again, and again, Don't ever give up hope and I love you.
Keller
Everytime someone walks down the street toward me, I hope it's you. Everytime I get a call on my phone, I hope it's your name on caller I.D. When I dream about you, I hope you dream about me too. And when I look at the bright moon, feeling lonely and wishing you were here, I hope you are looking at it too and thinking of me; missing me. And when I realize it couldn't be, my hopes get crushed like thin glass, broken as easily as a single thread. Without any defense to save me or my heart. Broken jaggedly in two, never able to come back together. Don't ask me why I hope so much, it's just something I grow to feel whenever you are near. Hope that maybe sometime something will happen. But hope is all that keeps my fragile self from breaking down permanently. Even just a sliver of it can get me through. Just barely. Just know that I will be waiting in the wings, wishing on a dream that you will realize that I am here and always have been. I will wait for that day when the realization hits you as hard as a bullet, that we were meant to be even though it may seem wrong in other people's minds. It doesn't matter as long as we have each other. I watch every shooting star glide past my window and wish with all my heart that you will think of me. I then realize that it is just an airplane passing in the night sky. At least it gave me more hope. For a little while. Just know that I am right here, hoping, waiting. For you.
"I will always hope for a better tomorrow, a brighter sun, one less lonely, aching person. For their hurt is something I understand. Just never give up your hope. Know that someone is always with you whether you see it or not. Look out your window at the infinite beauty and realize that there is someone out there that made it for you in times like these. Let the stars show you that even when its dark and cold out, there will always be a beautiful, radiant light to give passion, to make you feel like something. Never give up hope, in whatever you do, you may not get the ending you want, but it's something you can grow stronger from. And honey know, that whenever you call on me, I'll be there. I love you."
To the person that I dedicated this to, you know who you are and these words are as true as they can be. They are from my heart. I was thinking of only you when I was writing this. Again, and again, Don't ever give up hope and I love you.
Keller
Sunday, March 14, 2010
dreams
As you close your eyes in the late hour, you dream. All of your thoughts and actions in one mind let go. You drift and drift until you get to that place you love. Where nothing goes wrong. When you feel no pain and can escape to something better, more beautiful.
As the gentle waves of sleep overcome you, you are engulfed with the lulls of colors, shapes, movements. Some abstract, and some so beautiful, you cant look away. A place you never want to leave. For anything.
Your breathing, so even and normal, is as rythmic as a drum. You are in your own personal heaven. Serenity, like a blanket, covers you and wraps its warm corners around your body. Comforting you and making you fall even deeper into the illusion.
The rise and fall of your chest gently brings you over an ocean, flying. The wind whips through your hair. Your eyes close in ecstacy and you just feel. Feel every worry, every kind of pain roll over you like an ocean tide. It is replaced by an easy sort of happiness that you will never trade for a single word. It is silent, yet you hear everything. You hear the sounds of magic being used all over the world. You see the magic. It is a beautiful feeling. Nothing can compare.
The wind blows you over the plains, deserts, oceans, and forests of the planet. You are everywhere, watching everything. You are a part of everything. As if you were an element yourself. A blade of grass, a leaf, a rock. You feel and experience everything you could imagine. The silent whisper of a gust of wind, the sound of birds singing in the trees. As you fly back to earth, and the reality of it all, you cannot wait for tomorrow.
You wake up to darkness.
As the gentle waves of sleep overcome you, you are engulfed with the lulls of colors, shapes, movements. Some abstract, and some so beautiful, you cant look away. A place you never want to leave. For anything.
Your breathing, so even and normal, is as rythmic as a drum. You are in your own personal heaven. Serenity, like a blanket, covers you and wraps its warm corners around your body. Comforting you and making you fall even deeper into the illusion.
The rise and fall of your chest gently brings you over an ocean, flying. The wind whips through your hair. Your eyes close in ecstacy and you just feel. Feel every worry, every kind of pain roll over you like an ocean tide. It is replaced by an easy sort of happiness that you will never trade for a single word. It is silent, yet you hear everything. You hear the sounds of magic being used all over the world. You see the magic. It is a beautiful feeling. Nothing can compare.
The wind blows you over the plains, deserts, oceans, and forests of the planet. You are everywhere, watching everything. You are a part of everything. As if you were an element yourself. A blade of grass, a leaf, a rock. You feel and experience everything you could imagine. The silent whisper of a gust of wind, the sound of birds singing in the trees. As you fly back to earth, and the reality of it all, you cannot wait for tomorrow.
You wake up to darkness.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Kelly vs Noah
Noah, a nincompoop full of vast useless knowledge is sitting at my side. He cant seem to get past the 128,000 dollar question on the game casi se muere. Well thats too bad for poor baby Noah because I AM. whooooopsss just kidding he just passed it..DANGIT. Well...you know there are more important things in life than winning a fake game. Like getting a good grade in that class :) Like I, Kelly Nicole Nelson have! So its the world against Noah, unfortunately. Adios muchachos!
Keller
Keller
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Lost
Those smooth words that glide over me like silk over skin lulls my soul into perpetual heaven. Fills my heart and makes it as big as the moon, being a guiding light, a beacon to those who are lost. It pulls at the corners of my eyes making them swell with big fat drops of water, quenching everyone's thirst, hunger and heartache. Giving people inspiration when they can't think of a single word to write or a single emotion to feel. Lifting the burdening cross off of your back from a day of trials and tribulations. Making your body float in ecstacy and marvelling at the beauty and texture of this beautiful script. Let this be a guide to your life. Sewing the fringes of your soul back together with love and lyrics. Saving you from yourself and the harms of others. Just let me guide through your hard times. I will let you lean on my, cry on my shoulder at any sign of weakness. I will make you strong again. I will help you conquer your demons. Anytime, anywhere.
"You are not alone, I am there with you. And we'll get lost together, 'til the light comes pouring through. Cause when you feel like your done, and the darkness has won, Babe your not lost."
-Michael Buble
"You are not alone, I am there with you. And we'll get lost together, 'til the light comes pouring through. Cause when you feel like your done, and the darkness has won, Babe your not lost."
-Michael Buble
Someone
I am tired of trying to be someone I'm not. I am so sick of pretending to be this person that I really hate. I cant put the blame on anyone or anything. Just myself. I'm so sick of holding myself back as a safer route. I am tired of not voicing my opinion and just hiding in my shell of a life. That is not what life is supposed to be. I need to apply myself to the well known term of "living my life to the fullest". But really? What is holding me back? Oh, thats easy. FEAR.
Fear of what people will think of my true self. Well if the people who are my friends now are really friends with the person I pretend to be..are they really my friends? So many questions that get me nowhere. If I keep holding myself back like this I will get to a place that is fake. Something that I will hate. The problem is to not be scared. Of what people think of my true, loud, deep, passionate, caring being. I think about so many things that never get voiced. Well maybe to my mirror and the silence of my room. So I am just going to tell you 10 facts about me that you may not know.
Fear of what people will think of my true self. Well if the people who are my friends now are really friends with the person I pretend to be..are they really my friends? So many questions that get me nowhere. If I keep holding myself back like this I will get to a place that is fake. Something that I will hate. The problem is to not be scared. Of what people think of my true, loud, deep, passionate, caring being. I think about so many things that never get voiced. Well maybe to my mirror and the silence of my room. So I am just going to tell you 10 facts about me that you may not know.
1) I wish Mr. Darcy was real so I could marry him.
2) I cry everytime I see Mufasa fall into the stampede of animals in the Lion King.
3) Michael Buble is the greatest singer in history. Period.
4) I listen to all of my mom's music and love it. Like John Denver and Bryan Adams.
5) If reading books was a job, it would be mine with the snap of a finger.
6) I love writing.
7) After watching the Grudge, I slept with my lights on for a week.
8) I am more insecure than I let on.
9) I love Jesus. With all of my heart. Yeah.
10) I am a history junkie.
Yep. Thats it. Well thats part of my life that not many people know about.
Kudos,
Keller...
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