always and forever

I stop and stare at the truck with him in it, and then I look away. When I look back...its gone. In the blink of an eye, he is gone. I don't think about what will happen when I get to the bottom, I just think that for those first few seconds, I could fly. My heart soaring, pounding in my chest is a feeling I miss. When I was with him, I had no heart. Because he had it.

Walking the halls at school, I barely notice the tears rolling down my face. I am so lost in him, I feel no contact in the outside world. He walked out the door towards me and we catch eyes. In his eyes look resentment, maybe regret, maybe a little affection, and definitely some guilt. I don't know what I felt, but the glory of the moment that I just shared with him for the first time in about a year, felt like I was soaring. High up in the air with butterflies in my stomach lifting me, lifting me. Higher, higher until the only direction I could go was down. And thats what happened when he left. I fell. Down into a pit of nothingness. an unemotional hole to where the only thing I felt was pain. Pain to the highest degree.

I walk, but I go no where. I run, but I don't get tired. I try, but I don't succeed. It seems all I know..all I want..all I need...is you. I try, try so hard. Nothing works. Chills go down my spine as I think that I am nothing without him. An empty body with my soul gone away. My soul was happy and light when you were there, but you just took that. Took everything when you left. Took my heart. Now I am cold, empty, forsaken. I am a hopeless case. Nothing, no one can help. But you. But of course you won't. You are too happy in your own world with her, to mess it all up to help out your supposed best friend.

Just tell me, why did you leave? Did she make you leave, or am I just not what you wanted? Please just tell me so I can finally know. You just left me without anything. Not a word, no goodbye, no sorry.

I remember when we were both head over heels for each other. It was time for Winterfest and you promised that you would come and save a dance for me. I waited, and waited. You didn't come. I was crushed. It didnt seem like you cared about me. Later that night, I called and asked why you didnt show. You just came up with some sort of excuse, and I believed you. And now I get no sleep thinking about how stupid I was to believe you. But also the good memories we had. No abandonment. You were my best friend.

This will be the last tear I shed for you, the last words I will write for you. But, whether you like it or not, it will not be the last thought I have of you. I will remember you always and forever. That's all I am taking with me about you.

Goodbye...forever.