Love actually

The gentle brush of his hand on my cheek, the love radiating from his eyes. I open my own eyes and realize I'm alone. As the harsh reality sets in, a familiar wetness and crushing sense of being alone sets in.

I see him everywhere. In my thoughts, in my dreams. Everyone on the street looks like him. As i put myself back into reality, its really just people going about their daily lives and not paying any attention to the lone girl.

The gentle whisper of the wind is his voice whispering, "I love you," in my ear.

Everything. Anything. Something I can conjure from my memory reminds me of him. That song on the radio we listened to last week. That spot by the lake we used to meet.

The attraction was inevitable. I don't know how we grew apart, but everytime I turn around, it's you standing behind me. You are like my breath of fresh air. It feels like I haven't breathed real air in a long time. It's just been substitutes. I'm just chasing what I wish I still had.

I took risks I never thought I'd take. But I didn't care about the consequences because he was all that mattered...that was....before.

Waiting on the moon. That beautiful guiding light in the darkness. When the moon comes out, it's my free passage to think about everything. To stare out my window looking at the stars. You don't get a beautiful silence like that very often. He said that was his favorite thing to do at night. He wished he could do it in Australia. And that I could go with. And then it seemed our beautiful world went starless. A black abyss to which we will never find out way back to each other. Ever.

Even thinking about him brings tears to my eyes, remembering the past. Carefree laughs and loving words were exchanged. But now all that's gone. And whats left is a big, gaping hole. Of what should have been. Of what isn't. Now. Now she has him. He doesn't see how that hurts. My first love in the arms and care of another.

Thats love, actually. Pain, desperation, suffering. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And man, am I as strong as the Hulk about now.