Broken eyes

As I glance at her sad, hopeless eyes, I feel a distinct tightening on my heart. Tear pull and tug at my eyes but I push them away for fragile sake. Her depressing silence and quiet ways have come to shush me. I hide behind a veil, as if only looking from a distance. She has no idea how much I care for her. Her pain is my pain, hopefully lightening the burdening sense of reality. I wish to take that away from her, sparing her. Once a happy, starstruck girl, she went through the world as if balancing it on the palm of her hand. With the world in the palm, she was indestructible. Until he came along and broke through her tough barriers. She shared her heart and most vulnerable feelings with him, connecting with him, feeling as one person. As he left, he took her soul with him, leaving her empty and broken. Letting her pick up the pieces of her broken self.

Eyes rimmed red from crying and throat hoarse from sobbing with hopelessness, she finally gives up. Where do you go when you're lonely? Where do you go when your blue? Following him. Not letting him go, having him as a constant punishment of what she didn't do wrong.

sunlight

As I begin to let go, the folds of my heart open, revealing the spacious, fragile depths that have gotten me into a lot of trouble. Feelings and emotions pour out of them like an ocean. Never ending, they grab a hold of me and I feel as if I could never stop it from gushing out. It keeps coming but never ends. It feels so good to let go of the past and all of the chains it held me in. I am finally free and doing well without that blockage in my heart as I release more ocean. It starts mending slowly, the scars fading with time. It pumps as it never has before, with a new, mighty beating, spreading blood throughout my veins. I feel a new age coming with the rising dawn, and I marvel at it. Tracing that image into my mind so it will never go away. Not even with time. With each ray of sun beaming onto my face, warming it, I feel as if I could never get to a better place. It fills my heart, making it bigger and bigger until it finally explodes all over the world, warming it too. Giving it light in the darkest of nights. My sun is their sun. Those brilliant rays of sunlight beaming over them with a happy, tangible air. When I feel like my heart can give no more, I save the rest for me.

Silence.

Ah silence. What a simple, yet magical thing. When all the worries and pressures of the world weigh in on your shoulders you have silence to help you get by. Just listening to nothing but your own heart beating and the slow but steady sound of your breathing. Laying there looking at the backs of your eyelids is so peaceful. Silence almost has a tangy sweetness about it. Something you dont get very often and is a treat when you do get it. Not everyone talking around you and asking you questions you'd really rather not talk about. Silence is your best friend. It listens very well. You dont even have to talk at all. It just has this understanding about feelings and gives you an aura of peace and tranquility. Silence is something everyone needs, whether they like it or not. It gives you peace in the mind.

Like the gentle, constant roll of waves, it helps you get through the toughest of times. When you dont want to think about anything, and just sit staring, silence accompanies you as a companion. Silence can be yours if want it. Search for it. Long for it and its yours.

words.

As I look at her beautiful words on that not so simple page, I find myself envious. Her, in being so good with words, makes me want to be a poet of almighty words and powerful, passionate feeling, hidden deep within the meaning of the words. Although the words, as simple as they may be, hold a special place in my heart. Her words speak to me as though she actually spoke them to me. I feel like she is talking to me face to face and we are talking about the same thing and relating on every page. As I read on and on, I want to write just like her. with the same mysterious but yet revealing words. I envy those who can just have words flow out of them like an open wound. It makes me strive for something more, something bigger than what I am. It's like I am just an average foot soldier, wanting and dreaming to be something more. Like a commander of a mighty battalion. I am scraping by with barely anything. How good it must be to go by day by normal average day and just having beautiful, poetic words come out of my mouth with every syllable. People caught in rapture at your tantalizing words. Your people hungry, craving more of your beauty. All that seems to come out of my mouth is squacking, that is ugly and pointless. Its like a termite compared to a gazelle. Oh how I wish the words would just flow out of me like a powerful current. I shall sit here and wonder how I can change my words into something that can capture as much meaning as I am trying to portray. Until then, cover your eyes and run with your hands over your head away from these ugly words.

...

My heart squeezes with the intensity of my feelings. With my eyes shut, no images will break the barriers of my mind and enter the realm of my thoughts. I crave to open my eyes to the world, to experience every new idea, and maybe even create some. But my commanding mind will not take it. It demands to keep with tradition, stay with the norm. I long to see the world, to warm it with my passion, to feed it with my soul. What can be out there thats so tragic? I am held back, restrained by a cage I built for myself. Thats exactly why it was built in the first place. To keep me there and to stop me if I feel like doing anthing foolish and regrettable. my fists clench and my chest aches. A scream builds in my chest, but is quickly tamed. Just give up. It will never happen. No one will ever listen to you, hear your ideas. Stay the same as you are. Hide in your little four corner lifestyle. Dont go out there and leave what's safe behind. It wont do you any good.

tick tock

Heart beating in time with the clock. Everything normal and fine. Then you walk in and I feel as if my heart will pound out of my chest. I silently hope with embarassment that he wont hear my pounding heart or notice the scarlet blush that creeps onto my face. His eyes, dancing in the light, catch mine and I forget to breathe. As my breath is caught in my lungs, I cant help but to notice that my intake of breath has caught his attention. He gives me a questioning glance, and I exhale, letting all my emotions out without speaking. His laugh, like a peal of bells rings my ears in upmost pleasure. My breathing becomes labored and I close my eyes, wishing everything would just go away. Spare me of all these feelings! This isnt right, It cant be. A realization hits me with a bang. Could I possibly...? No. Never. But...with my heart still beating like I just ran a marathon, I must have feelings for him. He leaves the room and my staring eyes follow him in wonder. With my breath back to normal and my mind finally being able to actually function, I think that I never, ever could have feelings. I was just having an emotional tidalwave hit me. I walk out the door and find my thoughts straying to him. it cant be, it just cant.

Pride and Prejudice

One of my all time favorite movies is Pride and Prejudice. (the one with Keira Knightley in it). As I ponder, I come to a realization that hits me like a ton of bricks. I really wish life was like that still. So simple. Just a girl, in a plain simple world looking for love. The main purpose in life, even though it might just be a fairytale. You wouldnt exactly be hurting, just longing. Wishing you had something you never knew. If I was asked what era or time period I would want to go back to, it would definitely be Jane Austen's era. I would love if my life was a Jane Austen novel. Love, as screwed up as it may be, finds a way and is quite enjoyable by the end. With a few twists of course. Ahhhhhh it will all be just a daydream though.

to love is to destroy

to love is to destroy. I couldnt agree more with that statement. I mean, it can go either way, or both ways. But a lot of the time love does destroy. If you get to know a person really well, than in the future, they will end up hurting you somehow or dying. It's as simple as that. It may be harsh, but face it, life is harsh. Many people seclude themselves so they dont get hurt by people that they could possiby get hurt from. It may hurt you in the future, but why miss out on it while you have time? Missing out will get you nowhere, and nowhere will get you....nowhere in life. We have to learn to take risks even if it means that you will get hurt in the end. Just enjoy your time that you have. Time is of the essence. make the most out of it.